#160 Mental Strength: What We Can All Learn From Elite Athletes. With Dr. Peter Schneider

00:00:00: Those words if you hear is if you hear yeah, but coming out of your mouth You're in reactionary mode.

00:00:06: Yeah,

00:00:07: it's probably on the fast pieces advice.

00:00:09: I also give the people I say if You hear yeah, but coming out your mouth that means you didn't listen to what the person just said.

00:00:15: You just need to match something that they just said.

00:00:18: so you did.

00:00:19: you got a point.

00:00:20: so I need to get a point.

00:00:21: Welcome to HealthWise, the health and longevity podcast brought to you by Sunday Natural.

00:00:27: I'm Nils Berens and in this podcast we explore what it truly means to be healthy.

00:00:32: Together we will dive into topics such as medicine, exercise, nutrition and emotional well-being, always with a wise perspective on what generally benefits us.

00:00:44: We live in a world where everyone talks about mental strengths, but few really know what it feels like when life's pushed you to the wall.

00:00:52: True mental performance isn't about pushing harder, but about staying connected to yourself when the pressure rises.

00:00:58: Dr.

00:00:58: Peter Snyder is the psychologist, coach and founder of mental performance and regeneration.

00:01:03: He has worked with some of Europe's most elite football players, but his work reached far beyond this pitch.

00:01:10: His research focused on helping people access clarity, emotional balance and sustainable high performance in everyday life and so as I'll welcome to the show Dr.

00:01:19: Peter Snyder.

00:01:20: Thank you very much Nils.

00:01:21: I'm looking forward to the conversation.

00:01:24: Dr.

00:01:24: Schneider reminds me a little bit on this New Year's Eve thing.

00:01:29: Dinner for one?

00:01:30: Yes.

00:01:31: You know

00:01:33: it?

00:01:33: After living twenty years in Germany, I've been forced to watch this a few times.

00:01:38: I've had a few nicknames of the day.

00:01:40: Admiral von Schneider is one I've gotten as well.

00:01:43: Once I became a doctor, it became very, very easy with this.

00:01:46: But dinner for one is... You can't live in Germany without seeing this.

00:01:52: Is it

00:01:52: such a German thing?

00:01:54: Yes.

00:01:55: So I grew up in the States and that's definitely something I had never heard of.

00:02:00: I guess it's British, actually.

00:02:02: Yeah, maybe.

00:02:03: I think it's actually a British show.

00:02:05: I recall.

00:02:06: But yeah, it's a classic.

00:02:08: All my German friends are big fans.

00:02:10: Big fans, big fans, yeah.

00:02:13: So anyhow, Peter, how important are Sundays for your own mental health reset?

00:02:17: They're really important.

00:02:18: They're really cool.

00:02:19: Sundays, you know, we're always family days back home.

00:02:22: My mother was always someone that said, you know, get up, go to church, come back, have the family pot roast, that kind of thing.

00:02:30: So Sundays are kind of about a spiritual, religious kind of, yeah, we can say regeneration, but just a reset.

00:02:39: We have the whole day and then this is the day that we kind of, we rest and for us, family was a big thing.

00:02:45: And it's something that I with my daughter, for example, and my wife, we usually have pancakes or waffles.

00:02:50: We have that part as well that we sit together on Sunday and really try to have a little bit of a ritual.

00:02:57: That's what I would like to ask.

00:03:00: So you have a ritual or routine, which is more or less the same.

00:03:03: Yeah.

00:03:03: So when I worked in football.

00:03:05: It was very difficult.

00:03:06: Sundays were often for player regeneration, meaning that I would be working.

00:03:12: However, when I would get back, the first things we'd do was say, OK, as soon as I'm back, data comes home, we make pancakes, waffles, we do something together.

00:03:21: And then basically, it's family time.

00:03:23: It's very, very important.

00:03:25: Nice.

00:03:26: Nice.

00:03:26: So you mentioned already you work with athletes who face extreme pressure.

00:03:31: So especially I would say soccer.

00:03:32: football has even a higher, let's say, status in comparison to the states.

00:03:37: I would say maybe then in states is more American football or basketball or baseball or things like that.

00:03:42: But in Germany, soccer is a big thing.

00:03:44: So and what can someone, I would say, juggling job, family and everyday demands learn from the way pros handle stress?

00:03:54: The thing that pros do, the best ones, is really define time after really hard work to then recover and regenerate and allow their bodies to gain enough energy so for the next day they can give a hundred percent again.

00:04:09: This is the thing we talk about guys who last until they're twenty-five or the guys that last until they're thirty-five, right?

00:04:15: And it is the mix of both physical and mental, both stress and then recovery.

00:04:22: And what we're finding?

00:04:22: more and more, and we've talked about European football, level of Champions League and things like this, then you have Eurocups and World Cups.

00:04:31: These guys, they don't really have these long, long breaks, so they kind of have to force these breaks in between.

00:04:37: And this is probably something, we always have to kind of be careful, right?

00:04:42: So that the average man, the average Joe is we always kind of say in the States.

00:04:46: He's working his nine to five Monday to Friday.

00:04:49: He looks at a football player, an athlete, and he thinks to himself, that guy trains two hours, and then he's got the rest of the day off.

00:04:57: Goes into his Bugatti and just drives into the sunset.

00:05:01: So right,

00:05:01: yeah.

00:05:01: And he's not wrong in that sense, whereas the bus driver or the plumber or the teacher or whatever job we want to take or even the accountant, yeah, they're not wrong in that sense.

00:05:12: However, that football player knows that they're.

00:05:16: They are gonna have to perform in front of sixty thousand people on the weekend plus TV audience plus whoever.

00:05:22: and so this kind of really hard Stress where you say okay.

00:05:27: I'm really working hard for two three hours a day I'm really focused, but then I'm also taking two three hours to really recover my body my mind and get really Mentally ready for the next day and the next day because it just keeps going keeps going With exact as I said.

00:05:43: with this with this knowledge that I'm probably going to be judged on ninety minutes of my life for the next week by every single person I come in contact with for the next, for the next six, seven days.

00:05:55: That's something that a football has to deal with, right?

00:05:58: As a, as an average person, what I find, I try to tell them is learn that you really also need to find the way to recover for yourself.

00:06:07: And that doesn't mean go on autopilot.

00:06:09: It doesn't mean just come home and turn on Netflix.

00:06:11: That really means actively find ways to recover.

00:06:14: And I've also had this conversation with an average person where they say, well, with two kids or three kids driving them through their own practices and this and that, when am I supposed to do that?

00:06:26: It's a very fair question.

00:06:28: And there's not a single one fits all answer for that.

00:06:33: But there is an answer for it.

00:06:35: And it really just then becomes for that person, OK, where, how, what exactly can allow me to recover.

00:06:41: If you're going to take something from professional athletes, really nowadays take this one piece of information that they really find ways to recover, because if they don't, they won't be able to perform consistently.

00:06:56: Yeah, it's really interesting what you're saying because especially you're saying it's just ninety minutes and you say sixty thousand people.

00:07:05: and I had a really interesting experience while Corona, while COVID and I want a ticket from the lottery to go into the stadium doing a match and I think we were in total five thousand people, something like that.

00:07:22: So in Hamburg this normally fifty seven thousand people.

00:07:28: so and what was quite interesting then?

00:07:30: because when then some of the fans were complaining and saying hey you're such an idiot or something like that the player could hear

00:07:38: it right.

00:07:39: so because normally when you're in a stadium with fifty seven thousand people the noise overall is

00:07:45: so

00:07:45: massive.

00:07:46: yeah mass noise but not like this.

00:07:49: Not this particular voice, but you really see that someone was really shouting against one of the player and then the player really reacted.

00:07:57: And this was quite interesting to see.

00:07:59: So at the end it's for the players maybe better that they are sixty thousand people instead of five thousand because you can't, let's say, they won't hear what the people are exactly addressing to them.

00:08:14: I had an interview with Anne Friedrich.

00:08:16: He was one of the national football players some years ago.

00:08:19: And he also mentioned about the opening match of the World Championship.

00:08:25: It was Germany against Costa Rica.

00:08:29: And so at the end we won the game, but he made a mistake.

00:08:33: And I didn't remember it, but he said he was really... It was such a big question mark on his person, on his performance, on everything, just because of this one mistake.

00:08:43: made doing this match, which let's see, is more or less a whole football interested world we're looking at.

00:08:50: And have you made experience like this in your work with the athletes that they are really, let's say, had a situation like this, where they had such a pressure, such a, let's say, also question mark on the things they are doing.

00:09:06: Right, absolutely.

00:09:07: Great question.

00:09:08: There's best example would be things like when we've been to the German Cup final twice, the De Feppe-Pokai final twice with Abé.

00:09:17: The furthest I went in the European scene was the Europa-Pokai and the UEFA.

00:09:25: It's not the Champions League, but the one below the Euroleague semi-final, where I've seen pressure really, really on a player's face, where I've really seen them, then noticing it and feeling it.

00:09:43: It's hard to describe that even though there are sixty thousand people screaming around you, maybe you think they're giving you pressure or trying to support you.

00:09:54: One of the most astounding things as working with Leipzig, of course, not everyone's favorite club in Germany.

00:10:01: We were against Freiburg in the first final that I was a part of when I ended up winning and the Freiburg fans were just rabid.

00:10:08: They were just loud.

00:10:10: It was just about how they're going to just eat us alive.

00:10:14: And yet one of the experiences that some of the players talked to me about is it's not the thirty, forty thousand Freiburg fans that make you nervous.

00:10:22: It's your own voice in your head.

00:10:24: So there's forty thousand voices telling you you're the worst or terrible.

00:10:27: There's not.

00:10:28: there's maybe twenty thousand saying go you're the best.

00:10:30: And yet it's the one in your own head.

00:10:32: that really is causing the greatest amount of pressure, the greatest amount of question marks, the only one that really matters in that sense.

00:10:40: You know, there's a couple other voices, the coaches or maybe a teammate, your mother's voice in your head, your father's voice in your head, they stick there.

00:10:48: But at the end of the day, it's really just your recreation of their voice in your own head, right?

00:10:55: And so this is one of those fascinating things is if you're able to... Can't control the voice in your head.

00:11:01: I never believe that that's not possible.

00:11:03: It's not how it works.

00:11:04: However, if you can Try to train your voice to be as positive as possible a supportive as possible and Even if it is negative except that that's a very human normal thing in that moment and those finals and those big big games You'll be able to perform.

00:11:22: Yeah

00:11:23: But nevertheless, I think it's pretty hard and I would say this and this and tibetanian word is called saver and it's being self-compassion.

00:11:34: And is it something which is relevant in your work to train your clients or your people on a way of self-compassion?

00:11:42: So that means that you're treating yourself like your best friend instead of, I don't know, your worst enemy.

00:11:48: Yeah, great way to put it right.

00:11:50: So the balance then becomes.

00:11:52: hundred percent true.

00:11:53: We have this negativity bias anyways, right?

00:11:55: So for example, the, you know, Anne Friedrich, you're talking about, he's talking about a situation in a game.

00:12:00: It was the first game of the world cup, more time in the world cup, right?

00:12:03: So biggest games, home world cup, by the way, was in

00:12:06: Germany, right?

00:12:06: You know, and so he's thinking.

00:12:08: every single person in Germany clearly remembers the mistake from Anne Friedrich.

00:12:12: And I'm sure there are quite a few fans that say, oh, yes, I definitely remember this.

00:12:16: But I don't.

00:12:17: I don't.

00:12:18: I don't

00:12:18: either, for example.

00:12:19: I remember four-two.

00:12:20: I remember a massive goal from forty yards out, I think, from Torsten Frings, I think, at that time.

00:12:27: I'm just getting that memory, right?

00:12:29: But like, these things, those emotions, I remember as a fan watching this, as a fan.

00:12:34: As a fan, not as a psychologist.

00:12:36: But of course, that player, he's going to take probably one of the most negative events with him.

00:12:41: He's going to carry it with him then to the next match, even for the rest of his life.

00:12:45: Yeah, yeah.

00:12:45: Right?

00:12:46: So it's now, it is more, uh, nineteen years ago, nine years ago, and he's still talking about it.

00:12:50: Exactly.

00:12:51: Oh, it's absolutely anchored in there, right?

00:12:52: And so, um, this is, this is exactly what you're talking about.

00:12:56: Self-compassion, understanding that, hey, Anna Friedrich, do you want how many players have made mistakes at this level, at higher levels, at lower levels, all these types of things, right?

00:13:06: And, um, understanding that even Anna Friedrich is human.

00:13:10: Yeah.

00:13:11: Right.

00:13:11: Or even, you know, some people think Manu Noyev maybe is not, but he's also human.

00:13:15: Absolutely.

00:13:16: You know, they're all human.

00:13:17: All these top, top athletes.

00:13:18: They're still human at the end of the day.

00:13:20: Right.

00:13:21: And so it becomes this balance of self-compassion of forgiving yourself, being kind yourself, being your own best friend without inflating your ego.

00:13:30: No, definitely not.

00:13:31: And this is where you always, but,

00:13:32: but, but I think this is what you are when you're doing a mistake.

00:13:36: And you have a really true best friend.

00:13:39: He wouldn't say, no, you did it great.

00:13:41: That's a great point.

00:13:43: That's a wonderful point.

00:13:44: And this is where, because what happens then, if your ego takes over, it's a form of self-protection.

00:13:52: You did it great, you're fine, you're wonderful, right?

00:13:54: Instead of saying as you're really putting it really well, a best friend says, hey man, you did this mistake.

00:14:00: And you're still a great person.

00:14:02: Yeah,

00:14:03: it's.

00:14:03: both are true, right?

00:14:04: So that's a really good point.

00:14:05: I like that.

00:14:06: Yeah.

00:14:07: So to all of our female listeners, because seventy percent of our listeners are normally females, so maybe if they are not so football interested, I can promise you we are leaving the football area more or less in a minute.

00:14:21: I just have one more question in terms of pressure because I really found it so... Yeah, unbelievable, I must really say, because also this is something I didn't have in my mind when you see the documentary about David Beckham.

00:14:35: And when you see then in the World Championship when he made this one thing which gave him a penalty, a red card, and then he had to leave the match and then England has lost the match and went out of the championship.

00:14:56: And so the whole nation hates him.

00:15:01: Even the manager wasn't on his side and made some negative comments on television.

00:15:08: In a situation like this, he was maybe, I think, twenty-four, twenty-five, beginning of the twenties.

00:15:14: So now from your point of view as a psychologist.

00:15:20: Is this something you would say can really break a person completely?

00:15:24: Because I'm really astonished that he's not completely broken.

00:15:27: So after that.

00:15:29: And the short answer is yes.

00:15:30: Absolutely, I can.

00:15:35: It's again, there's a book recently released by Mel Robbins called Let Them, which is quite popular right now.

00:15:42: I know it.

00:15:43: And I think that's kind of his... David Beckham's kind of defense on these things is kind of let them talk, let them say what they want about me, let the coach say what they want about me.

00:15:52: I need to be, I need to be me, I need to focus on me, I need it.

00:15:55: I know what I can do.

00:15:57: I know I made a mistake.

00:15:59: I know I can be better.

00:16:01: The short answer is absolutely yes.

00:16:04: I don't know how he chose to deal with it.

00:16:07: The way in which I, when I remember this event as well and following the rest of his career, he just seemed like someone who kind of was used to just ignoring these types of Not negative criticisms, but what he found to be unjust Criticisms.

00:16:24: he himself.

00:16:24: now that's his own moral compass.

00:16:25: Everyone has their own own way of putting this.

00:16:30: We know whatever the coach said or what fans said, you know, that's for other people to judge.

00:16:34: I think Again, I think that's it's.

00:16:39: it's a very pivotal point.

00:16:40: I think that that's a great point though that everyone can learn from.

00:16:44: is is is you can just take that little bit, whether you like David Peckham or England or even football, you can really take that one little bit from him and say, okay, with all these people that I kind of fought for and played for and gave everything for and was passionate for and all of a sudden, yeah, I made a massive mistake and they just seemed to turn on me.

00:17:05: A lot of people just turned on him and he just said, okay, I'll accept that they're human too, that they're gonna have their voices, they're gonna have their criticism and I'm gonna continue with my career.

00:17:15: I don't think it was easy for him.

00:17:16: I wasn't there.

00:17:16: I wasn't next to him.

00:17:17: I can't say.

00:17:18: I would say it was also at a time where, let's say, have some psychological support on your side wasn't so common.

00:17:27: This is, I think it's, it's about twenty-five years ago or something like that.

00:17:31: And then I would say also to get help, especially as a man, also in such a masculine world like football, asking for psychological help.

00:17:42: I would say it wasn't common at all.

00:17:43: Correct.

00:17:44: Correct, that's very true.

00:17:45: Yeah, it's come a long way.

00:17:46: It's changed.

00:17:47: We focus, a lot of things, of course, focusing on what we like to say is that mental performance, granted, a healthy mind is essential for a great and consistent performance.

00:18:01: Again, it doesn't have to always see me.

00:18:02: We talk, of course, you know very well, a lot about prevention.

00:18:06: And a lot of times, for example, for me, I talk a lot about mental flexibility rather than mental strength.

00:18:11: in the sense that I'd like to make you so mentally flexible that when these hits come, when the downsides come, when the negative experiences come, you're able to absorb that and continue then to grow from it and rise above it.

00:18:25: And so this is something as well that I think.

00:18:29: back then, I think some guys probably had it in their back pocket and weren't talking about it as much.

00:18:37: And now it's kind of progressed.

00:18:38: to people say, okay, how can we build this into our systems and training.

00:18:42: Again, not just young footballers, but young athletes to be well rounded, mentally flexible and good people at the end of the day.

00:18:53: So this really leads me just perfectly to my next question.

00:18:57: So now I'm going back to my female listeners.

00:19:01: So many women live and I would say they are living with an invisible mental note.

00:19:07: responsibility, perfectionism, emotional care-taking.

00:19:12: How can they protect their energy without feeling like they are letting someone down?

00:19:18: So how can they protect their own energy without... So they keep their energy.

00:19:25: The thing is when, let's say, when they're doing something for themselves, very often it's the last person they are thinking of.

00:19:33: Okay,

00:19:34: I get you.

00:19:34: So because they have to, the children have to be ready, or the children have to be happy.

00:19:41: Maybe the husband sometimes, sometimes you want to make a career, you want to be good looking, you want to be in shape, you want to, I don't know, some of them also want to be the perfect... to that wife, I don't know.

00:19:53: But for me, I would say in the past, in the very past, let's say, in the classical way, women just have to look pretty and take care of the children and the household and things like that.

00:20:11: Nowadays, they still have to look pretty, they still have to... take care of their their children but in addition they also have to be let's say making a good career and they also have to be so i would say the overall mental load is much higher nowadays for all of us but i would say especially for women because they still have this traditional role plus the additional modern role.

00:20:40: So yeah wow great question not an easy answer.

00:20:46: I think most of your questions won't have easy answers today, but that's the point.

00:20:51: I think, speaking again from a performance psychologist point of view, someone who focuses a little bit on how do I perform mentally, how do I regenerate well enough so that I can be consistent every single day.

00:21:04: I think women today, they really need to find that local support.

00:21:14: I'm going to take a big stand on this.

00:21:17: I think it's very important.

00:21:17: And what that means is not, you know, find your village.

00:21:22: It's kind of this concept.

00:21:23: Not just finding your support online, finding the things you like, the things you can connect to.

00:21:29: We can find our interests online very quickly.

00:21:31: We can find things that, of course, we want to maybe compare ourselves to.

00:21:36: And it's very, very common bias to compare yourself always to the... one step just a little bit better, right?

00:21:45: They just have that one extra bedroom where they have, they seem to have a dryer, not just a washer and dryer, whatever the tiny thing is, right?

00:21:53: Or they have the next step in the career.

00:21:55: They're up one step up the ladder already and they're two years younger, whatever it is.

00:21:59: But we look at that one thing better than us.

00:22:02: We don't look at that thing very often.

00:22:03: That's maybe one less than us.

00:22:05: It doesn't really give us such a satisfaction to be like, well, I have.

00:22:09: one little thing better or I'm one step higher.

00:22:11: No, I look the other way.

00:22:12: I want to progress.

00:22:13: I want to do things.

00:22:15: So I think one of the biggest ways to save energy is to get offline, really, to as much as possible.

00:22:24: You get on there to get some great ideas, to connect to certain things that interest you without a doubt.

00:22:33: Do your best to really invest your energy in your local village.

00:22:37: And what that means is even in the city, so I live in a city, I've lived in a city my whole life, I've recently moved into a small, you know, block if you will, it's like a small courtyard area and there's two buildings that look right across from each other and there's about, I have a daughter who's four years old and there's four, five, six, seven other families who have kids between three and sixteen.

00:23:04: and before we just moved in here a couple years ago and before life just seemed very very difficult for my wife a lot of times and things like just basic ideas of like who am I gonna?

00:23:15: if I need some help?

00:23:16: I need to call somebody I need to do need to get some more done but I want to work on my career I want to do these things and what we found now is with this local community she feels so much more empowered You know to share that little story.

00:23:29: I think that really helps her a lot and it helps me a lot as a family helps our daughter a lot and I I think it's scary though to really knock on doors next to you and kind of find that little local community.

00:23:43: But what I've noticed is these little quick dinners with each other's kids or Or even our neighbor walks our dog The the fourteen-year-old girl she really likes her dogs.

00:23:53: who takes her dog for that saves you twenty minutes.

00:23:55: save you twenty five minutes and and she's happy.

00:23:57: the talk's happy, you know.

00:24:01: and then She started talking to our daughter.

00:24:03: She starts babysitting for our daughter now as well.

00:24:05: We start going on dates Which we've had more difficulty going on just because we have a kid.

00:24:11: and this is like this.

00:24:12: this tiny little piece of advice I would really give a lot of women and and because I don't have all the answers, but I think this is one that's I found To be a really great recipe for success is if you have people close by That you can count on that you can rely on it not just Doesn't just save you energy.

00:24:34: It really gives you energy.

00:24:35: It's very rewarding.

00:24:37: It's a very difficult.

00:24:39: It's not an easy step.

00:24:41: I don't think it's an easy step But I guess as someone who's moved to a foreign country doesn't have their parents around them anymore.

00:24:48: all these types of things.

00:24:49: It's it's really about finding this kind of local local community.

00:24:52: Yeah.

00:24:53: Yeah,

00:24:53: I would agree.

00:24:56: Just one question concerning gender in general.

00:25:00: Is there a difference in mental strengths, a gender difference, or would you say they are just, let's say, cultural stories that we are repeating?

00:25:12: Yeah.

00:25:17: There are absolutely differences in terms of all the people that I've worked with.

00:25:21: I've worked with women's teams.

00:25:22: I've worked with men's teams

00:25:25: in my career.

00:25:27: They have different needs in general.

00:25:30: and we're talking in general again One.

00:25:35: I'll give an example somebody think you'd really like.

00:25:37: I was recently Talking to a former to a fellow psychologist about Analyzing men's and women's professional football teams and he said that in his in his review of the of the players gestures that the men were staggeringly more emotional.

00:26:00: Oh, really?

00:26:01: Than the women.

00:26:02: That's interesting.

00:26:03: So in terms of missing a shot or a bad pass or something happening or something great, the men showed much greater amounts of emotion on average than the women during a ninety minute game.

00:26:18: The women communicated unbelievably amounts to each other with gestures, obviously with words, but they were found to be overly communicative with one another about where to be, where to stand, do this, do that, and help each other, assist each other.

00:26:37: I think this is a lot.

00:26:38: when we look at, then of course, how women feel and men feel maybe about what support they need, whether they're willing to admit it or not, is that men have this need for their emotional release and this emotional support.

00:26:51: Let's say probably don't always admit as much as they would like.

00:26:55: I don't experience I can talk about with women.

00:26:57: And I think we may be pushed towards the emotional support and think, oh, that's traditionally a woman needs more emotions.

00:27:05: Sometimes it seems what seems at least by what what this last thing had studied that said is actually they just want good, clear communication.

00:27:16: They want clear communication, clear defined roles.

00:27:19: They want to know who needs to be where, what needs to do.

00:27:21: They have this need to really communicate with one another.

00:27:25: So

00:27:26: I think that's one of the more scientific, cool answers to that question is about what differences really play out between men and women, at least in a sports setting.

00:27:36: But I wouldn't be so surprised to see them playing out in professional settings and family settings as well.

00:27:43: Yeah, very interesting.

00:27:45: So now if he takes a gender differences by side, if you have to define mental strengths and just a single sentence, what would it be?

00:27:56: Mental strength, as I said, I use the word it's mental flexibility.

00:28:02: It's the ability to have an extremely positive or negative experience and still remain constant.

00:28:12: That's really the most important thing.

00:28:15: Okay, cool.

00:28:17: You often also talk about emotional clarity.

00:28:20: What does that mean?

00:28:22: So this is where probably one of the biggest practices come in place for me and that's meditation.

00:28:27: Emotional clarity is really understanding the emotions that are going on throughout the day.

00:28:33: Okay, so it's not about not being emotional, not being blank, not being bland, nothing like that.

00:28:38: Anyone who knows me that would be the complete opposite.

00:28:41: quite emotional person.

00:28:43: It's really about understanding what emotion is happening, what is affecting me right now, and if I have the time to reflect and say, okay, what is causing this emotional response?

00:28:56: So, again, my mentioned meditation at the beginning because for me it's kind of a start in the morning of, all right, what am I maybe carrying with me through the night or from the previous day?

00:29:08: What am I thinking about?

00:29:10: my expectations for this day?

00:29:12: And then towards the end of the day, you know, a cool down meditation or so was kind of a, you know, what did I learn today?

00:29:18: What was good today?

00:29:19: What really got me going today?

00:29:22: Something I actually do with my four-year-old daughter when I put her to bed is, you know, she doesn't know she's doing meditation.

00:29:28: It doesn't matter, but it's about being a mindful moment of what was really good today.

00:29:32: What was one thing that really made you happy today?

00:29:34: What's something that made you really sad today?

00:29:36: Just these two kinds of highs and lows.

00:29:39: To try to teach her, what I would consider

00:29:41: is

00:29:42: emotional clarity.

00:29:43: Just understanding.

00:29:44: I have emotions.

00:29:47: What they are, where they come from.

00:29:49: Okay, would this also be your advice?

00:29:51: how we can develop it in the middle of a chaotic week?

00:29:57: If we have the time?

00:29:58: Absolutely.

00:29:59: Absolutely.

00:30:00: Again.

00:30:01: I would be one of those persons who says you always have the five minutes.

00:30:04: Whether or not the five minutes is enough or not is of course a whole different

00:30:07: story.

00:30:08: When you look how many minutes people are spending on Netflix or Instagram or TikTok or you name it, I would say five minutes are easy to find.

00:30:16: It's easy to find.

00:30:17: It's the same thing with working out in general.

00:30:19: You can find the time to work out.

00:30:22: You can time to invest.

00:30:24: It is that you also... need this vegetation time, as I would call it.

00:30:29: You need this Netflix time.

00:30:30: It exists.

00:30:31: It has its own purpose.

00:30:33: I don't think it's a negative thing in general.

00:30:38: But yeah, the five minutes in a chaotic week, or ten minutes on a day in a chaotic week, are gold.

00:30:45: And they won't necessarily feel like that at the beginning.

00:30:49: It might seem like a big waste of time at the beginning, because you're sitting there and your thoughts are ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

00:30:54: while you're thinking, I need to stop my thoughts or I need to call them.

00:31:00: I can't be thinking.

00:31:01: Really what that's doing is it's just allowing you to recognize that your brain is completely, I would say scrambled eggs is a good metaphor.

00:31:10: And maybe you do need to not just take the ten minutes, maybe you need fifteen, twenty minutes.

00:31:17: Again, as you said, everyone can maybe find that time if they really want.

00:31:23: But then it's really about taking that time fifteen minutes and really just listening to what kind of thoughts are going in.

00:31:33: If you listen long enough, it will become clear.

00:31:36: Yeah.

00:31:37: No, I just recently wrote a book and I also have a little chapter about meditation.

00:31:43: I said, well, one of the biggest misunderstandings from my point of view is really that the people are expecting that meditation means thinking nothing.

00:31:52: Correct.

00:31:53: Because for me, I'd also describe it more a little bit like clouds.

00:31:56: You see that the clouds are coming, but you also have to let them go.

00:32:00: And I think this is the most important part of it.

00:32:02: But if you really, I would say even the most experienced people on meditation are not that they all still have thoughts.

00:32:11: So I'm pretty sure.

00:32:13: Yeah, I would think that.

00:32:14: I hope they have thoughts.

00:32:14: Yeah.

00:32:16: No, I'm doing the meditation.

00:32:17: Doing the meditation.

00:32:18: Well, what I ask you, you're like, you, I mean, it's a great thing.

00:32:21: So.

00:32:22: For you as

00:32:22: well though,

00:32:23: you've met, if you meet these people, I know you've got to meet a lot of clear-minded people, strong-willed people.

00:32:30: It doesn't seem that they have a thought or thought process where they don't have negative thoughts.

00:32:36: It doesn't seem like every single thing that comes out of their mouth is just perfectly articulate, right?

00:32:43: So they themselves are also working through You and you yourself and you must that we're always working to.

00:32:48: how.

00:32:49: how do I want to formulate this.

00:32:51: how is my brain working through this emotion through this.

00:32:54: I just was as a guest in a podcast yesterday where there are two let's say founders in Germany extremely successful so and even they have still an imposter syndrome and I was really astonished to hear that.

00:33:11: but nevertheless you see you can't get rid of it completely.

00:33:14: so they're always.

00:33:16: moments where you think you are an impostor.

00:33:19: So I'm pretty sure.

00:33:22: But when we talk about, let's say, how do you teach people, I would say, self-leadership when the outside world is completely out of their control?

00:33:37: This kind of boils down to the one You know.

00:33:41: say the one voice you can control is the one inside your head.

00:33:45: and as I said at the beginning I don't think you can I don't think you can control the voice.

00:33:50: I think you can train the voice to try to be again

00:33:54: more

00:33:54: say positive or more more supportive.

00:33:57: I think you can do that.

00:33:59: You're talking about self-leadership and Chaotic world is a great way to put it.

00:34:04: It's it's really about What are the things that I can control in a day and there are quite a few?

00:34:14: What are the things I can control?

00:34:17: And how do I perceive them?

00:34:26: How do I want to carry them out?

00:34:28: So the things that I can do, I'm going to do them as well as I possibly can, right?

00:34:34: Because I get to control that whether or not that person likes it another person likes it another person criticizes it.

00:34:40: That's again that that goes out of my control really quickly.

00:34:43: We realize really quickly what how little we control right?

00:34:45: That's sometimes a It's a terrifying thought in some ways, right?

00:34:51: How little we control in the universe, but it's also very freeing in the sense of, okay, I have this tiny little things that I can really influence and I'd like to do that.

00:34:58: And I'd like to do that in a way that's important to me.

00:35:02: And so when I talk about self-leadership, I work a lot with the ACT model, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

00:35:09: And one of the biggest things there is really just staying in the present moment but acting in a way that's in accordance to our values.

00:35:17: So if I stay in the moment, that's the first important thing because if I'm here and now, that means I have control over here now.

00:35:26: I don't have control over the past or the future.

00:35:29: It doesn't happen, right?

00:35:30: All we have is now.

00:35:32: And the next thing, of course, is I have to act in a way that I believe in, that fits in a way that's important to me.

00:35:42: I can give you a personal experience.

00:35:45: I was given very bad news recently about a professional topic.

00:35:53: which is just very disappointing.

00:35:55: No, let's say that from a client where I was really expecting it was going to go in a positive direction and kind of came the opposite way.

00:36:04: And I was, you know,

00:36:06: I'm human at the same day.

00:36:07: I had a few hours.

00:36:08: I just really struggled with this.

00:36:10: And I thought about how can I turn this around?

00:36:13: How can I change this?

00:36:14: And the reality is that this person had said no, they had made their decision.

00:36:19: And I was thinking in every single way possible how to change their decision.

00:36:25: and In the reality is it was.

00:36:28: it was over.

00:36:29: It was in the past and it took me time to really sit with my thoughts and I remember sat.

00:36:35: I said, okay, I'm gonna just sit for ten minutes by myself I'm gonna listen to my music is just my my absolute muse in this sense of inspiration put on my music that I really love to listen to.

00:36:44: and I found myself then saying okay That door is, it is closed.

00:36:51: Look at it.

00:36:51: It is a closed door.

00:36:53: It is locked.

00:36:53: It does not exist anymore.

00:36:55: But you are so much focusing on that door and not the thousands of doors that are in every other single direction.

00:37:04: This happens to every single one of us all the time, right?

00:37:07: And so self-leadership to come back to the very essence of this question is finding those moments.

00:37:14: and finding great growth opportunities in those moments of that door is closed and yet I have a thousand to go through.

00:37:22: Maybe I don't, maybe I really want that

00:37:25: door because it's closed.

00:37:28: The closer I get to acceptance and really seeing how exciting some of those other opportunities are, it becomes.

00:37:34: It becomes very exciting very quickly to to take a step in the other direction.

00:37:37: Yeah, I think this is a good example for many many people many occasions also I would say also especially in relationships so especially when the people are.

00:37:47: heartbroken.

00:37:49: I had an interview with Dr.

00:37:50: Zach Bush and it was quite interesting what he said.

00:37:52: He said that it's all about expectation and when he felt heartbroken, then he just seen that maybe his expectation were wrong and the expectation were disappointed.

00:38:03: And I would say very often you just have to think about it how realistic your expectation may be also where and some people are all in your head.

00:38:13: And which also leads me to my next question, because I think that under stress, many people fall into, let's say, predictable thinking traps.

00:38:25: And what would you think from your point of view as the most common ones?

00:38:30: So maybe when you know them and then you maybe feel a little bit more or you identify them a little bit earlier that you are in this trap.

00:38:37: Yeah,

00:38:37: this is great.

00:38:38: Yeah.

00:38:38: So we become reactionary.

00:38:40: That's the basic, basic issue is we become imprisoned by our emotions and our thoughts in a way, and we become, as I say, reactionary.

00:38:49: We don't act anymore on what's important to us.

00:38:52: We act in a way to maybe someone hurts me, I want to hurt them.

00:38:56: So one of the biggest traps, of course, is you said no to me in this one question, one example, or a relationship, you saying no to me.

00:39:03: OK, well, I'm going to go say the most terrible things about you to every single person I know, which if you think about yourself and your own values, and you probably wouldn't want to hang out with that person who says all these negative things about another person, even if they did hurt you.

00:39:19: It's one of those things where, again, this, you hurt me, I hurt you, is one of the biggest traps and one of the biggest pitfalls, I think, in all human experience.

00:39:37: And it's extremely,

00:39:39: that's put it this way,

00:39:40: understandable.

00:39:43: But it's not without reason that even in one of the biggest books of all time, the Bible, you know, turn the other cheek is in there with Jesus being slapped.

00:39:54: And I was like, no, turn the other cheek.

00:39:56: And I might have misquoted a little bit there, but the general

00:40:01: idea of this, you

00:40:02: get hit and then you just want to hit back.

00:40:07: Getting out of that cycle, because if that person wants to hurt you, there's probably something on there end.

00:40:18: Not always, you know, it's not generalized, everything, but there's probably something going on on that end.

00:40:23: Really, really great piece of advice.

00:40:26: I once got about this, and this fits in with this perfectly.

00:40:31: I think Simon Sinek, it was an interview with him, and I thought it was brilliant, and I really use it a lot when... in general, working with people and their emotions and getting into these traps.

00:40:41: He said, if someone is going off about you leaving your

00:40:43: cup on the table, and the emotion is an eight or nine out of ten, ten is the highest, it's clearly not about the cup on the

00:40:51: table.

00:40:51: It's not about the cup.

00:40:53: So what happens often is, in relationship, there's a cup on the table, you didn't do the dishes, or you left the blanket, you forgot the laundry, it's still soaking, whatever, and the partner comes home.

00:41:06: and then they just scream about the laundry or the cup on the table or whatever it is and your instant reaction is how unfair am I being treated right now for leaving a cup on the table you know and then you're gonna just get up to that energy because you need to match it.

00:41:25: you need to defend your ego and yourself and and and and what you know your own values

00:41:29: and

00:41:29: well you can't tell me about the cup on a table you left

00:41:32: I don't know.

00:41:33: Hey, you say something which is absolutely inappropriate.

00:41:38: Yes.

00:41:39: And saying, yeah, but I don't know.

00:41:41: You never brush your teeth carefully.

00:41:43: I don't know.

00:41:45: This is great.

00:41:47: Really doesn't have anything to do with the other thing.

00:41:51: It has

00:41:51: no value to the conversation.

00:41:52: And most importantly, this yeah, but those words, if you hear it, if you hear yeah, but coming out of your mouth, you're in reactionary mode.

00:42:02: Yeah.

00:42:02: fast pieces of vice-arrest will give the people.

00:42:04: I say, if you hear yeah, but coming out of your mouth, that means you didn't listen to what the person just said.

00:42:10: You just need to match something that they just said.

00:42:12: So you did, you got a point.

00:42:14: So I need to get a point.

00:42:16: And this is, this is probably again, we talk about these, these thinking traps or these, these, these reactions.

00:42:22: Now, let's be honest, sometimes these things happen.

00:42:27: So I'm going to say a lot of yeah, but the rest of my life is still going to happen.

00:42:31: It's again, noticing that trap of getting into that argument catching yourself into an argument and stopping, pausing, and maybe I still use the sounds apologizing for leaving a cup on the table even though you've actually cleaned up the cup a hundred times before.

00:42:51: Yeah.

00:42:52: And just disarming that person right now to see what's actually going on.

00:42:56: So the trap again is the trap is very much wanting to simply match someone's energy, negative or positive.

00:43:06: And often in a negative way, if someone hurts us in some way, we want to hurt them back emotionally or unfortunately, also physically.

00:43:15: Yeah.

00:43:17: I have it, I've made the experience very often.

00:43:19: So I'm here in Berlin, I do more or less everything by bicycle.

00:43:22: And sometimes I would say I'm driving in an efficient way.

00:43:27: And sometimes people, yeah.

00:43:31: don't like make it reaction sometimes and from my point of view too aggressive reaction.

00:43:38: and I would say maybe in the past I I don't know shouted something back to them.

00:43:44: I don't know fuck you asshole or whatever.

00:43:47: so and and I see that from this aggression he made and this my reaction I'm not feeling well afterwards.

00:43:56: so And then I have this interview this year about kindness, radically kindness.

00:44:02: And we talked about it and how good it is for yourself to be kind to other people.

00:44:08: And I realize that now when I have a situation like this, I'm not reacting aggressively again.

00:44:19: I'm saying, so thank you, have a nice day.

00:44:22: Which maybe makes the other person even more upset, but nevertheless.

00:44:26: I feel still good afterwards.

00:44:30: I'm not going on this level he had.

00:44:33: And I really see that with this reaction, I'm feeling fine.

00:44:37: So even if he didn't like it, maybe my reaction.

00:44:42: But nevertheless, I see if you don't match this situation, it's much better for you.

00:44:50: I have one small anecdote I'd love to share about this.

00:44:53: When I was a young child, my my best friend's mother.

00:44:59: I was at her house and I was being a little brout.

00:45:03: It happens when you're seven, eight years old and I said something smart to her.

00:45:07: What's just a smart aleck was not a nice statement to her.

00:45:10: She was basically a second mother to me.

00:45:11: She raised me as well when my mother wasn't there.

00:45:14: We were very, very, very close and I said something just mean-spirited.

00:45:20: Shouldn't have said it, you know, I look back, I don't know.

00:45:23: And she looked at me, she says, no, sorry, I don't accept that.

00:45:27: in the nicest, calmest, kindest way.

00:45:30: And I was just this confused little kid, what do you mean?

00:45:33: You know, whatever I said, you're stupid or whatever, you know, dumb thing.

00:45:37: She's like, no, I don't accept it, that's your statement.

00:45:40: You are upset, you are angry, but I'm not angry.

00:45:44: I'm not, that's yours.

00:45:46: And she just left.

00:45:48: And I stood there feeling like such an idiot, just empty.

00:45:53: Yeah!

00:45:54: And it was... It was the most powerful way of dealing with a young little brat that, uh, I really took that with you.

00:46:02: I still talk about it.

00:46:03: Now I'm talking about four years old.

00:46:04: That's, you know, thirty years ago.

00:46:05: And I still take that with me.

00:46:06: I just thought it was such a beautiful way of you talking, as I said, giving someone kindness.

00:46:13: who, who, who clearly gives you aggression.

00:46:17: It causes great confusion.

00:46:19: Totally.

00:46:20: Usually for the for the aggressor, right?

00:46:23: They just don't kind of understand what's going on, right?

00:46:26: And it's.

00:46:26: it's a. it's a wonderful diffusion method that You know, we have to.

00:46:33: we probably should be using more often than we we are aware of.

00:46:37: definitely definitely What role do mindfulness and body awareness playing your work with your high performance?

00:46:46: Okay, your mindfulness is a Mindfulness is really just a daily kind of routine.

00:46:56: People like to, of course, as they confuse it with meditation, I think it's a little bit, you know, it's a different area.

00:47:02: Mindfulness in terms of if we're talking about the elite footballers I work with, it's just about being in the moment, right?

00:47:08: It's about being in that moment, that present moment of speaking about act before, right?

00:47:12: And so it's not about being calm or collected necessarily, it's about being a cop on a table.

00:47:19: And the emotion is an eight or nine out of ten.

00:47:21: Ten is the highest.

00:47:22: You know, an athletic aggression towards a football, something like this.

00:47:29: That is a keystone part of just understanding what is required at that moment.

00:47:36: What do I need to bring to this moment?

00:47:38: What kind of energy do I need to bring to this moment?

00:47:40: As I was saying, with a partner, maybe it's diffusing.

00:47:46: Maybe it's giving kindness.

00:47:48: But maybe for performing, yeah, it's sticking my chest out.

00:47:51: Yeah, it's being a little bit bigger.

00:47:53: Yeah, it's being

00:47:53: leaning

00:47:54: in a little bit more.

00:47:55: It's not about intimidating the other in that sense of trying to be a negative person, but any business sense, it's absolutely okay, acceptable.

00:48:05: And I'm talking about my elite performers to show your best side and the pride in your abilities, in your personality, who you are as a person.

00:48:17: That's true self-confidence.

00:48:19: That's true self-confidence, not inflated or ego or something like that.

00:48:26: So mindfulness in that sense is really

00:48:27: just understanding

00:48:28: what is required at this moment and what skill set, what abilities of my own do I need to bring.

00:48:36: Would you say there's one metal exercise from your professional sports that would recommend to absolutely everyone?

00:48:43: I mean meditation is the easy.

00:48:45: Easy answer.

00:48:46: Easy answer.

00:48:47: I mean, in that sense, yes.

00:48:48: I think meditation is just a really wonderful way to disconnect with the world, connect to yourself.

00:48:57: One thing I find also I would highly recommend is a type of eye training.

00:49:03: If you've never had looked at, yeah, people have, you know, they go, maybe they go, they wear glasses even, but they get their eyes checked out.

00:49:11: Yeah, that's healthy.

00:49:12: Everything's good.

00:49:14: You know doing certain eye movements like watch it and you can look them up on YouTube as very simple exercises for for training the eyes.

00:49:23: You have a

00:49:23: YouTube channel where we can see it or

00:49:25: not my own but you

00:49:26: can.

00:49:27: I care if you look up eye training for lazy.

00:49:30: I even something like this.

00:49:31: So I'm very simple.

00:49:32: like this There's five minute exercises.

00:49:34: There's ten minute exercises.

00:49:36: I Think you'll start to see the world a little bit differently.

00:49:39: You'll notice that your eyes

00:49:41: are a little

00:49:41: more keen.

00:49:43: I mean our eyes are really For those that are able to see are just such a Gateway to the world.

00:49:50: granting or noses and our hearing.

00:49:53: these send the touch is these things give us a

00:49:55: lot of more.

00:49:56: I want to say rudimentary Like really deep feelings eyes a little bit less.

00:50:01: So so like we think of like your favorite song or you know When your favorite food as a kid, you know that boom as emotions come.

00:50:07: eyes don't do that as much but eyes.

00:50:10: just If we train them a little bit more, we notice that we start to perceive the world as a little bit better, a little more clearer.

00:50:18: It's something that I would really recommend to every single person, especially because we are looking at screens so much, whether it's the phones or computers.

00:50:26: And it's really five minutes, a few times a week, something like this, ten minutes can make a difference.

00:50:31: You'll notice that you just, yeah, you tend to be able to focus on one thing better.

00:50:37: Yeah.

00:50:38: as well as you pick up a little bit of things in a periphery a little bit better.

00:50:43: You don't need to move as much because your eyes can kind of move themselves a little bit easier.

00:50:48: It's a tiny little thing.

00:50:50: Yeah,

00:50:51: I do it quite regularly.

00:50:53: I'm normally taking a look on my thumb and I'm focusing on my thumb and then I also do it in front of a window.

00:50:59: Yeah.

00:50:59: And then I look outside to one of the farthest points away and then I'm focusing on this point and then again on the thumb point.

00:51:08: So I would say do it less.

00:51:10: It takes me less than a minute.

00:51:12: But nevertheless, I see how good it is for my eyes, especially looking on a screen the whole day.

00:51:18: And for me, the older I get, the more I'm enjoying to have a wide look.

00:51:30: Because I have the feeling that it's... quite important for me, especially when I'm entering a room which is on the top and where I have the possibility to look really wide.

00:51:43: I see how relaxing it is for me.

00:51:47: It's quite interesting to see.

00:51:48: Yeah, it's a good answer.

00:51:52: Focus is... Sorry, skip the question because I think we had it already.

00:52:00: So, Blanka, please take it out.

00:52:02: You work with people consistently on the spotlight.

00:52:06: How do you teach them to stay grounded when criticism or self-doubt hits?

00:52:10: So it's very close to the question we had already.

00:52:13: But is there a kind of exercise you're doing with them?

00:52:18: I mean, it's more about setting up an environment that's very conducive to that, right?

00:52:24: So the people around you surrounding yourself with good people who tell you the truth.

00:52:30: You know, don't inflate the ego, but don't criticize unnecessarily.

00:52:34: Yeah, right?

00:52:35: So this is one of the biggest things that I I tend to try to do with with these these guys that are in the spotlight.

00:52:43: Keep those good people around you.

00:52:44: Make sure you have that small circle that you know, you can trust.

00:52:47: extremely important If at all possible.

00:52:52: Absolutely, no social media.

00:52:54: Just this.

00:52:56: if you meet it for your career have someone do it for you.

00:53:00: That's just.

00:53:00: that's one of the things I would absolutely

00:53:03: recommend.

00:53:04: I have to say I'm not consuming social media so much.

00:53:07: I'm just Doing posting.

00:53:09: so I would say it's more time efficient in a way because because I see that that just I don't know posting a story takes me a minute and then I'm normally put my my Instagram off again, okay, but there are many people which are consuming hours in social media.

00:53:30: I'm not a consumer, I'm more the creator.

00:53:33: I don't think the thing is, even consuming the social media isn't so bad as much as, you know, it's not great.

00:53:41: It's, at least for these guys and girls at this level, it's really, you can only tune out so many voices, right?

00:53:50: So it's flexible as I'd like my players to be.

00:53:55: if you see you're in someone right you're just shite five hundred times at one point you yeah one place okay.

00:54:03: well now it comes down at the same time.

00:54:06: it doesn't feel good you know it's like it doesn't go.

00:54:09: it doesn't really go both ways.

00:54:10: so it's a. it's something where I just try to.

00:54:19: I try to again make the environment as attacked as intact and possible as possible around them so that they they get healthy constructive feedback to help them progress like any other human being who doesn't normally have to deal with.

00:54:36: maybe

00:54:38: the public let's say the public criticism.

00:54:43: other than that there's definitely things that we do again in terms of self affirmations where I would say you know these are the things I want you to repeat about yourself so that you kind of Yeah, give yourself that little bit of parting to deal with being in a spotlight.

00:54:59: I'm a big fan of affirmations.

00:55:01: Could you make me for maybe for our listeners an example of what could be an affirmation?

00:55:06: Yeah, absolutely.

00:55:09: One example is today.

00:55:12: I feel strong, positive, powerful and unexcited for every challenge that will come my way today.

00:55:20: I think this is an affirmation literally everyone could use.

00:55:23: Yes.

00:55:25: I made it as

00:55:26: general as possible.

00:55:27: But

00:55:28: the fact that you can identify it with yourself is I'd like to be positive.

00:55:32: I won't necessarily

00:55:33: be it.

00:55:34: The other thing is, I don't say how to say, like, oh, today's going to be a great day.

00:55:37: I think it's a lie.

00:55:39: Yeah, you just don't know that.

00:55:41: No.

00:55:41: But you can say, I'm excited for the challenge of the day.

00:55:46: At least now I am.

00:55:47: Maybe later I'll be less excited.

00:55:49: But why go into the day?

00:55:52: As much as possible, why go into the day with, oh, today, what's gonna happen today?

00:55:57: No, I wanna at least start in this way, and then the day will bring what the day will bring, and my flexibility will hold or won't hold.

00:56:08: I'm a human at the end of the day, then I'll take, I'll go ahead at the end of the day and take a review and see how it went.

00:56:13: Definitely.

00:56:14: If you start negative in a day or an event, it will be negative in the other round.

00:56:18: So I made the experience sometimes when I have to go to an event where I'm really not keen to go.

00:56:25: So normally I'm always keen to go to an event, but nevertheless, sometimes there's an occasion because I think most of the people are boring.

00:56:32: But you see at the end that even the most boring person in the world have an interesting story.

00:56:37: You just have to find it.

00:56:39: And I think when you... change your mindset and see if you just start digging for the most interesting stories this person has to share.

00:56:47: You just have to find what he's passionate about it.

00:56:50: And then when you see, let them speak about the passion he has or she has, and then you see that you can understand the passion in a way and that it became quite fascinating to understand why this person is so... passionate about, I don't know, fishing or having his own incurring or whatever it is, whatever it is.

00:57:14: It could be interesting if you really learn a little bit more about it.

00:57:19: If you stay curious, everything could be excited.

00:57:22: But this is honestly the basis for my foundation, for my work.

00:57:27: I

00:57:28: can talk about every single tool.

00:57:33: way to analyze a player, way to improve their vision, way to improve their regeneration.

00:57:37: If there's not a connection between me and the client that as you're saying is that I'm interested in their story and I want to be a part of their story.

00:57:47: and probably most important always to say is as a psychologist and I think this is something you can relate to as well as someone who interviews people is it's their story.

00:57:58: I want to hear their story.

00:57:59: I want to be part of their story.

00:58:01: It's not.

00:58:02: How am I inserting myself into this?

00:58:04: Yeah.

00:58:05: But rather a genuine interest in them, who they are, how they want to develop.

00:58:12: And if you can focus on that, it becomes very interesting very quickly.

00:58:16: Definitely.

00:58:16: Definitely.

00:58:17: I couldn't agree more.

00:58:20: I would be really interesting if you can share a moment when mental training made a bigger difference than the physical preparation.

00:58:29: I can say two things.

00:58:32: One one story I really enjoy sharing because I was very proud of I was very proud of this moment was in with Leipzig going into the final where we had just recently lost the semi-final and in the Euro in the Euro League which we were expected to win.

00:58:55: it was a big disappointment and the club at that point had never won a title And we had a couple games to go in the season to try to stay in a Champions League.

00:59:06: And then we had the German Cup final coming up.

00:59:10: And it was absolutely imperative, of course, to make some adjustments after losing the semis and whatnot.

00:59:17: But one of the themes that went through the locker room that I was able to speak to with some of the players was, we just don't win these big games.

00:59:26: The big, big games we just can't... can't seem to do it and that there's a big core that team that had been there for five six years for some time and and I was kind of the new kid on the block at that time and I went ahead and and I said you know I think there needs to be some way of of kind of showing them who they are in the most positive and negative ways and we need to kind of allow these experiences to carry them in the final.

01:00:01: And if they carry it with them, they will be mentally then ready to recover from this big loss and be ready to win me with the first title.

01:00:11: I was convinced of that.

01:00:13: And we ended up having all these pictures on pretty big posters to the side, and we put them from every single match of the whole season.

01:00:24: So the day before, two days before the cup final, what ended up happening was... They walked into the locker room, and all of a sudden there's these huge pictures going all the way down the whole aisle.

01:00:37: One picture from each match.

01:00:39: And there were wins and losses, including the semi-finals.

01:00:43: we lost.

01:00:44: And they just went through, and they just kind of went, you know, they didn't even get it.

01:00:49: And then finally, when we explained what it was, they understood about it.

01:00:54: I explained for the cup finals that these are your experiences.

01:00:58: This is what makes you guys youth.

01:00:59: And the fact is that you're always trying to be this positive strong, you know, we have to be the best we have to attacking it.

01:01:07: No, you just you have to use all these things that you already have here and you have here.

01:01:12: You have to take them with you into the final and and if you do that If you really do that and recognize what makes you guys you Then yeah, you can win this first final.

01:01:22: you can do it.

01:01:22: and they ended up doing it in a very very dramatic way.

01:01:25: Go back and look at it.

01:01:26: We'll go to the detail.

01:01:28: I think this is an example a great example of yes you can make a couple adjustments to the tactical things or to you know the technical things and yet it's really more.

01:01:41: it's really more about just kind of revamping the way you look at what makes you you what experiences you have and I really think you can translate this to to life in a lot of different ways.

01:01:52: if you could have any big event coming up and you feel like I always seem to can't seem to get On that big stage, you can't seem to do it, you know?

01:02:01: And it's like, okay, well, what if every single experience you've had up until now was so that you can do it this one time?

01:02:07: And having that kind of flip in your head.

01:02:09: Yeah,

01:02:09: love it.

01:02:10: Love it.

01:02:10: I think goosebumps are right not right away.

01:02:12: And then I have something similar because always when I have to make an important presentation or I have to speak for a crowd of people, I'm When I feel that I'm getting nervous, I had to do a moderation on the questioning of the cruiser.

01:02:31: I was, I think, thirty-six, something like that.

01:02:35: And it was in front of two hundred and twelve people.

01:02:38: Two hundred thousand

01:02:41: just for the record.

01:02:42: Yeah, two hundred thousand.

01:02:44: And always when I'm now in a situation where I think, okay, there will be, I don't know, five hundred or something like that, and I'm getting a little bit, let's say, excited, then I say, Ah, you have had already a bigger audience, but anyway, you know what I mean?

01:02:58: It's a little bit like that, so that I really say, hey, you can handle things like that.

01:03:02: Yes.

01:03:02: So, and this gives me obviously confidence that I could.

01:03:05: Cool.

01:03:06: Yeah, wonderful.

01:03:07: Really cool.

01:03:07: So, yeah.

01:03:09: Let's go

01:03:10: a little bit

01:03:11: more into the, let's say, recovery.

01:03:14: When someone notices they are mentally burned out, let's say that.

01:03:18: What is the very first step back to strings?

01:03:22: great news.

01:03:22: you recognize that you're burned out.

01:03:24: that's true.

01:03:25: i know that sounds silly but that's uh

01:03:27: wow um

01:03:28: if if you're at that point you say well i'm burned out

01:03:31: like i don't have the

01:03:32: energy i can't do this i can't do that you.

01:03:35: it might seem like a really silly thing to say but you're in a great place in the sense that you have recognized it and now you can take as much control as you would like as you would like as you are able to.

01:03:47: okay now that means very different things for different people right?

01:03:50: so um When you know if we're talking about people clinically depressed There are very different solutions and different ways to go.

01:03:58: as opposed to someone who is suffering from from burnout both very serious things, but of course There are different ways to to both treat and to maybe go about taking the next step forward, right?

01:04:11: So

01:04:11: I always like to separate that.

01:04:13: I think that's very important.

01:04:15: If we're speaking about someone who feels burnt out in a sense of family life work, okay, I can silly sound, but it's not a terrible thing to say to yourself.

01:04:25: Great.

01:04:26: I know I'm burned out.

01:04:27: That means I need to find a way to get my energy back and you need to find a way to get that flame lit again.

01:04:33: What's that going to be?

01:04:34: Okay.

01:04:36: My biggest thing, of course, is if there's any community, if there's a trusted person, if there's someone you care about, who you know cares about you, it's seeking the connection to that person, communicating it to that person.

01:04:50: If this person Is this trusted confidant?

01:04:54: Is this person that you care about?

01:04:55: They will help you take the first step.

01:04:57: That's a huge, huge thing.

01:05:00: If you can communicate with someone, a human... The standard human reaction for someone we care about who says, I need help, is to lend your hand

01:05:12: and say, okay,

01:05:13: I'll do it.

01:05:13: I can.

01:05:14: Right?

01:05:15: Yeah, right.

01:05:16: So this is maybe a simpler... If we say we have that person, if we don't have that person, you

01:05:25: have to find it.

01:05:25: You'd

01:05:25: have to find it.

01:05:27: Yeah?

01:05:27: Yeah, simple as that.

01:05:28: You have to find it and that might be something professional.

01:05:32: You know, I think, one thing

01:05:36: not to

01:05:37: do, of course, and I usually try to look at what to do inside of it, but not to do.

01:05:42: But what not to do, of course, is to search for, we were talking about the emotional trap, the reaction, the reaction trap of... then maybe going online looking at things that get me then hours and hours you know we call doom scrolling those things that become extremely then addictive to your dopamine star frame right.

01:06:05: so you're gonna need a heck of a lot of self-care a heck of a lot of a heck of a lot of what's the word self-kindness compassion self-compassion for yourself that you're not going immediately.

01:06:18: then okay You're going to maybe still have another hour on your phone looking through Instagram.

01:06:22: Yeah, okay.

01:06:23: Me too, last Sunday.

01:06:24: So we're on the same page, right?

01:06:26: And probably ten other people in your building or in your neighborhood who spent an hour or two hours on the phone as well.

01:06:33: So these things, it's about about giving yourself compassion that you're going to really need to take tiny, tiny steps of being active, trying a meditation, getting outside, having a conversation with someone.

01:06:47: It might not be that you can have that conversation right away.

01:06:50: We're talking about different levels here.

01:06:51: You might not have that conversation right away.

01:06:52: that says, hey, I'm burned out and you'd help.

01:06:55: But you might be able to have that conversation where you simply just engage with another human being.

01:07:01: As you were saying, show interest in another human being.

01:07:04: as silly as that sounds.

01:07:05: You say, I have no energy.

01:07:06: How am I going to show interest in another human being?

01:07:09: Often with burnout, what I've experienced is people have burned out towards a certain specific thing in their life.

01:07:15: So whether towards a relationship or towards their job or other things they tend, of course, to have a little bit of energy for.

01:07:22: So kind of find a little niche thing in between where you say, okay, I just need energy, but I need a positive energy.

01:07:30: Find something on my radar.

01:07:32: As I said, that door is closed right now for me, just simply because it's just sucking my energy.

01:07:37: Look around you.

01:07:38: Look around you and see if you can find that one door that you say, if I go through there, I'm pretty sure I'll get something in return.

01:07:44: I'm going to take that risk as tiny little energy that I have for the day.

01:07:47: I'm going to go through that door because it's a healthy, I know it's a healthy habit, but I'm talking tiny things.

01:07:54: I'm talking eating a healthy breakfast.

01:07:56: I'm going to go to the bakery and get myself a nice loaf of bread today if that's what I want, or I'm going to go to the, if I have a gym membership and I do that, I'm just going to go for a walk.

01:08:08: Or I'm going to knock on my neighbor, whatever it is, I'm going to call my mom.

01:08:13: So I'm at a hundred percent degree.

01:08:15: So for me personally, when I have to recover, I just have to take sometimes an hour, sometimes even more, sitting in a bus stop and being surrounded by water and having the feelings that no one is disturbing me because there is.

01:08:30: no I found out something I'm not taking with me to the master.

01:08:36: And also, I don't know, I have a spa place in Hamburg, where I love to go, which is on, I think is on the eighth floor.

01:08:44: So you have a great view to the Alster and being in the sauna, sitting on the bed afterwards in a bathrobe.

01:08:53: So these are moments for me to really recover.

01:08:56: And sometimes people are asking me, hey, can I join you?

01:09:05: I said, no.

01:09:06: Because it's my time.

01:09:08: Again, I think this is something, this is a pretty big step.

01:09:13: I mean, we're in Berlin, so you're going to go to Hamburg, train or drive, you're going to have to go there.

01:09:18: But these are great things.

01:09:20: We're just getting that nice little energy boost.

01:09:23: So if you're really good after or laying in the top.

01:09:27: That is something that someone who's at their own if they have a tub That's something that they probably can take that step towards and and really that their body gonna soak and

01:09:36: and

01:09:37: and Absorb it's the heat of the water.

01:09:39: just to feel that warmth, you know how to give you that little burst.

01:09:42: also again It's a kind of crowning being in the water.

01:09:45: It's grants you and this is what I really love about it.

01:09:47: So So What is your personal ritual to let's say stay emotional centered?

01:09:56: Having a four-year-old daughter keeps you pretty grounded very pretty quickly.

01:10:00: I'll tell you that especially one is as sharp as mine.

01:10:07: For me in general that you like as a family a family of course is kind of just a cornerstone that I just I keep sacred that it's time with them Whether it's Sunday morning breakfasts or things like that.

01:10:18: Those are those are those are very important rituals the morning meditations, the evening meditations that I've done, you know, and I don't get it done every day.

01:10:28: There's days I get missed.

01:10:30: I wish it was as consistent as brushing my teeth.

01:10:32: That's one thing I have.

01:10:33: Thanks, mom.

01:10:34: I've really gotten down every single day, morning and night.

01:10:36: But meditations are definitely those things that really do help me stay grounded, really help me take five, ten minutes of my day to kind of just take a quick um you might say like a reflection.

01:10:56: reflection then gives a good word.

01:10:57: yeah.

01:10:58: and one of the other things i like to do to really call my brain is i play chess?

01:11:01: really yes i would love to but but honestly i'm i'm pretty bad at it and i'm

01:11:08: not great.

01:11:08: i'm not great.

01:11:10: uh i went to a lingo.

01:11:12: great great application in terms of

01:11:14: uh

01:11:15: So dopamine addiction to be fair.

01:11:17: They're really great at keeping you in the loop.

01:11:19: Do a lingo.

01:11:20: Do a lingo.

01:11:20: Yeah, yeah, with language learning, right?

01:11:22: Yeah.

01:11:22: They have like these little, you know, you have a certain amount of energy and you get little rewards.

01:11:25: And so you always want to come back and just about

01:11:28: learning languages.

01:11:29: Yeah, but they also have chess and math.

01:11:31: Not really.

01:11:32: Yes.

01:11:34: So they started chess and I always understood chess, but I was never good at it.

01:11:39: And a lot of the players I worked with.

01:11:40: To get their mind off of football, they often play chess.

01:11:43: We played backgammon.

01:11:44: Backgammon is a little more simple.

01:11:47: Yeah, and it's not so

01:11:47: strategic from my point of view.

01:11:50: So you can have some moves in your mind, but at the end, it's always the same.

01:11:57: You want to play a little bridge, so it's blocked the other way.

01:12:00: Backgammon

01:12:01: is... Yeah, it's the same strategy

01:12:04: all the time and you just need the right dice.

01:12:08: It is not so strategic, but what I love about chess is the strategic thing.

01:12:12: And what I hate about it is that when you have experienced chess players, they just have memorized the first eight moves from so many strategies.

01:12:24: Recalling them and and and so it is not really a strategic game.

01:12:30: It's just a memory game.

01:12:31: Yeah, and then that's what I don't like so much about it.

01:12:34: So it's good to maybe maybe we are having a good chess match because we are not Memorizing.

01:12:40: so I think you haven't memorized any any strategic moves and and so then we maybe can really have a good match.

01:12:47: Yeah, I'll say like yeah, do it the plug do a lingo.

01:12:50: I just think it's.

01:12:51: I think it was a great way to kind of learn.

01:12:54: Is that what we're talking about?

01:12:56: What is this?

01:12:56: opening moves that everyone seems to know that I have no idea?

01:12:59: Yeah, exactly.

01:13:00: And so the thing is, once you get like these four or five moves, okay, then it just turns into an actual, what I consider an actual chess match, because I always felt after the first five moves, I'm so far behind, like I have no idea what I'm doing.

01:13:12: And now at least I have the feeling, like I sit there and it is kind of, it is relaxing.

01:13:17: I'm a very... You know, I'm someone who really likes to win.

01:13:21: I can't help a very competitive person in general by nature.

01:13:26: But chess is like because I'm not that good at it.

01:13:29: I take it a very different kind of stride.

01:13:34: Yeah, right.

01:13:35: And yeah, at least for me, I can recommend it to people who are

01:13:38: love it.

01:13:39: Love it.

01:13:39: I So I'm having a long train ride today you too.

01:13:43: So I'm definitely able to play some chess.

01:13:45: So What do you hope listeners take away from our conversation?

01:13:49: So especially those struggling with mental overload.

01:13:55: The first thing is it's really tiny little steps in your day that start to add up to make the difference.

01:14:05: Take that with you in that sense of really that building in a five minutes, ten minutes a day or something like that, or even five, ten minutes, three times a week, anything that you can manage.

01:14:18: to just really get your reflection of status of your mental state.

01:14:28: And try a couple different things out.

01:14:30: So yeah, there are meditation apps and there's definitely guided meditations that I would very much recommend at the beginning.

01:14:37: But try to simulate progressive muscle relaxation.

01:14:39: which is a bit more, it's more for tactile.

01:14:41: You can feel the difference maybe a little bit, right?

01:14:44: I would

01:14:44: also say a good introduction to the world of meditation is just breast work.

01:14:48: Oh, yeah.

01:14:49: Yeah.

01:14:51: I think with breath, this is where I get into a breath.

01:14:53: I like brand work, right?

01:14:54: I actually enjoy it.

01:14:56: I think for people who are already having that door open, it's a good way to go.

01:15:02: For people who are skeptical in general about what this is going to bring or what it can do for me.

01:15:08: I find the tactile things to be much better.

01:15:10: So whether it's the breath you feel, yeah, but if you in general are carrying a lot of stress in your shoulders, neck and whatnot, and if you do a progressive muscle relaxation, I feel those who have done that with at the beginning, they just already feel this difference, like a little bit less load.

01:15:26: And they're like, okay, like I could think just a little more clearly

01:15:28: or something.

01:15:29: You know, you get to yoga and stuff.

01:15:31: Yoga is something that is even more tactile, but it's almost then too much investment, you know, some people then connect it with other ideas and whatnot.

01:15:40: So it's finding kind of what that, what is that thing?

01:15:42: where I can take that first step towards treating myself better mentally, whether it's just a meditation, a guided meditation, breath work, yoga, or muscle relaxation, and just the tools on YouTube are endless and whatnot.

01:16:00: If you are going to use your phone, if you are going to go on a smart TV, you can definitely find something in pretty much every language.

01:16:07: So there's not an excuse in that sense if you really would like to do it.

01:16:12: So that would be one thing.

01:16:13: I'd say take that from today.

01:16:15: Find that one little tool that really can maybe help you find a little more clarity.

01:16:21: Know that.

01:16:23: I think this is also really important.

01:16:25: These big guys that I was talking about, these big names that are at least in hot professional football, they're using the same things.

01:16:32: Mm-hmm, right.

01:16:35: Yeah, it's the one of the Germans.

01:16:36: Let's say they also cope with water.

01:16:39: Yeah, that's my favorite.

01:16:41: Yeah They do.

01:16:44: they they're gonna use this exact same thing and that's kind of cool to know that his brain or her brain at that elite level

01:16:50: It

01:16:51: works.

01:16:51: the same as you we all have.

01:16:54: You know one of great things is we all have these caveman brains.

01:16:57: We kind of talk about that.

01:16:59: they're just struggling a lot of times to deal with the modern world.

01:17:05: and so why does turning off your brain for ten minutes or let's say closing eyes and just listening to your breath for ten minutes feels so strange?

01:17:14: because what we used to do that because we had nothing else to do

01:17:18: and we are not used to be bored anyway.

01:17:20: yeah exactly right.

01:17:21: so this this is something.

01:17:22: take that with you allow allow yourself these ten minutes and understand that you're connecting you.

01:17:27: the elite athlete The nine-year-old, the nine-year-old, this connects literally every single one of you.

01:17:32: And it's kind of a cool thing to think about.

01:17:36: Love it, love it.

01:17:37: So Peter, thank you very much for this conversation.

01:17:40: So if someone wants to learn a little bit more about you, I think you have a website.

01:17:45: Yes, we will put in our show notes.

01:17:47: And I just have to say thank you that you come from Lattic.

01:17:54: Yeah, very much.

01:17:55: It was great.

01:17:55: Thank you.

01:18:00: Do you have a fire grip supplement?

01:18:03: I do.

01:18:03: I take this all in one from Sunday Naturals.

01:18:06: Oh, wait.

01:18:07: My wife, my wife, my wife recommended it to me.

01:18:11: And that's just for me.

01:18:12: It was the simplest, best way to get everything I need for a day, one a day.

01:18:16: Is it the premium with four capsules or just one capsule?

01:18:19: One capsule.

01:18:20: Oh, just one capsule.

01:18:21: Okay.

01:18:22: I will give you the premium version.

01:18:24: Maybe it was worse to come to Berlin.

01:18:28: If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be thrilled if you could leave a rating on Apple Podcast or Spotify.

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